My story about smoking

I tried my first cigarette when I was 17 years old in 1999. At that time it was absolutely no problem to buy a cigarette for a kid in post-soviet Russia. Even better, if you didn’t have enough money — you could buy 1–2 cigarettes instead of a full pack. Any 24/7 small shop would sell it without looking at your age and without any sign of guilt.

Later the same year I moved to another city to study at university and that was the time then I got really addicted to cigarettes. Fun fact — before 17 I was really against smoking. I never tried and was really annoyed by some of my friends who already started. But probably all of you know the place, where your moral barriers are falling down — student drunk parties. That was the way I tried and got addicted.

Smoking as a kid is very different from smoking as an adult.

First thing — you never had enough money to buy enough cigarettes. You had to be creative — wandering around some bus station for hours asking different people if they have a spare cigarette, looking for a dropped coins in crowded places, searching for empty bottles on the streets to exchange them for money at collection points. You could spend several hours per day just doing that.

Second thing — if you didn’t stash enough cigarettes, it was impossible to study and prepare properly for exams. All you could think of — cigarettes, it was almost mandatory to smoke before entering the exam to calm down your nerves.

Third thing — keeping a secret. It was impossible to tell your parents that you are smoking, that was so forbidden, shameful and disgusting that you could expect any reaction. So whenever my parents were visiting me, or I came back for vacation, instead of having a great time because of family reunite — I felt miserable. I had to pretend that I’m happy, secretly dreaming of the next cigarette. Of course I had occasional secret cigarettes. And of course my parents could feel the smell. So I had a million different reasons (like I was in the lift, and there was another man who was smoking right at me!).

After my graduation, on my first job it only became worse. Smoking room was the main room in this company. Every discussion, almost every meeting was held where. Some tricky businessmen got an idea to put a coffee vending machine close to this smoking room. It was a huge win, 50% time in which it turned into 80%. All managers started to call smoking room — main office.

At some point I crossed another line — I started smoking at home, right on my desk. Some time later I started throwing cigarette butts out of the window, because the ashtrays were full.

Two times I fell asleep with a cigarette in my mouth.

I always tried to have some stash of cigarettes, but If I didn’t — I was crazy to get more. I could stand up in the middle of the night (like 3am), realise that the cigarette pack is empty, dress up (middle of winter, dark, blazing cold, like minus 23 degrees Celsius) and walk 3–4 blocks to the closest 24/7 to buy some.

I was thinking of quitting several times, but never for real. My first clear thought on this was then I realised that I’m smoking 3 packs per day now, I’m coughing like hell and I have shortness of breath. Despite those facts it was super scary to think of it. I had nightmares that I have no cigarettes and nowhere to run.

I quit by miracle after 10 years of smoking. One week before my wedding I started reading “Easyway” by Allen Carr. And finished it on the wedding morning. I smoked my last cigarette, closed the book and went to a new life. Nice wedding surprise to my wife BTW :)

That was long ago in a distant year 2009. 13 years have passed since and I’m happy that I’m free from that addiction.

You should know that you can’t avoid consequences. For example I really almost destroyed my sense of smell. My wife smells 10 times better. Longer you smoking — worse fallout.

P.S. What do you need to know to quit?

• First you need to admit that smoking is not a bad habit. It is a very strong addiction.
• Addiction to smoke is only 10–20% physical, but mind takes the rest 80%
• Main reason not to quit — fear. Fear of being dropped in the wild, without a cigarette. Brain completely forgot that you could not only smoke in your free time.
• This fear is so strong, that even people who wish to quit smoking, sometimes will not act. I presented this book to my brother, after 13 years he didn’t even open a 1st page.
• This means that you will need support from your friends or family.

P.P.S. I very often hear the phrase from smokers: “My friend’s friend’s grandfather was smoking his whole life and died healthy at 90”. Yes, sometimes that happens that some people have really good genetics, super strong health and are lucky. But the irony is, that this granddad could’ve lived for 110+ if not smoking :)